#9: bugs. a chatroom
a survival guide <3
~~ * welcome 2 edition #9 of hot girl gothic. if u missed edition #8, the BIG TRIAL between my current romantic obsession and me, check back in ur email (spam n promotions 2) and mark it as important, or click here. tell a friend! ttyl * ~~
maisonkelly has entered the chat.
maisonkelly: hey! :-)
…
?????
maisonkelly: hello :-(
HELLO!!!!!!
i’m feeling really SAD and alone and goth and i just need someone to talk to
maisonkelly: or not! whatever! actually i am self-sufficient. :)
maisonkelly: ughhh wait NO no no i am NOT!
HELLO!!!!!!!!!!
I HAVE A QUESTION!!!!!!
god27 has entered the chat.
maisonkelly: omg
god27: hey girl
maisonkelly: you’re real ??
god27: idk, what’s ur question you said you had a question
maisonkelly: yes!!! why am i having these HEAD RUSHES all the time? I get so dizzy and my blood swishes all around. it feels like falling in love but I KNOW it’s not love because of logic and reason
god27: ok first of all: yes logic and reason! :) well listen
B1G_R0ACH has entered the chat.
maisonkelly: oh nooooo
B1G_R0ACH: ahhhhhhhhh! :)
maisonkelly: this is the worst day of my life
god27: why?
maisonkelly: i just HATE to see a ROACH!
god27: you hate to SEE a roach? grow up. the visual plane is not something you should overly concern yourself with
maisonkelly: okay but seeing that brown oval makes me suicidal
god27: for real?
maisonkelly: kinda!!
well ok it makes me shake like a leaf and it makes me feel unsafe on this earth
god27: girl everything makes you shake like a leaf!! honestly i feel like it’s an adrenal gland problem. or really a perspective problem if we’re being real
maisonkelly: sorry, NOT really listening, i have to KILL this ROACH you gave me
god27: WAIT! let it speak
maisonkelly: ????
B1GR0ACH: Thank you, God. Here is my message for you, Maison. Your life is not so precious. It is not as delicate as you might think.
B1GR0ACH has left the chat.
god27: see. you are so closed off to being taught lessons from the world around you. if you only listen, everything is there for you to learn.
maisonkelly: are you FUCKING kidding me god
i literally spend my whole life trying to teach myself lessons!!
and why can’t a mellifluous boy teach me a lesson for once?
why is it
god27: ughhhh you don’t get it
maisonkelly: why is it always a bug
god27: omg! do you wanna see a really fucked up moth?
maisonkelly: NO!
fudckedupmoth has entered the chat.
fudckedupmoth: wooooowoowooowooooowwwkkkk
fudckedupmoth has left the chat.
maisonkelly: i literally hate you god.
i’m trying to learn and i’m trying to find meaning but
whatever curriculum you have me on is not very broad!!!!!
actually i would argue it’s solely bug-focused for some reason ?
god27: OK FINE! if you think you’re sooooo ready to graduate: if the boy you “loved” showed up at your door RIGHT NOW what would you do?
maisonkelly: well I know I wouldn’t spray him with raid!!! beyond that IDK
god27: this is why you must keep learning
maisonkelly: WITH BUGS?
god27: boys, bugs, what’s the difference.
maisonkelly: so this is the life you want for me? i live from killing bug to killing bug? my curriculum is bugs and my tests are bugs and after all that training, the only thing i get to do is kill more bugs?
god27: lol I never thought I’d hear YOU asking for something to END.
did you ever think about asking the bugs a question?
maisonkelly: no
god27: see
maisonkelly: i never thought about asking the BUGS a QUESTION
god27: well you’ve asked much stupider things questions in your life. you’ve asked a text from a boy if you should keep living. you’ve asked the back of a protein cereal box for love and support. don’t pretend you’re above this
stinkbugORladybug has entered the chat.
god27: try it
now
maisonkelly: hey queen
stinkbugORladybug: eeeeeeeee i’m on the ceiling
maisonkelly: quick q for you. what do I have left to learn before I can be loved?
stinkbugORladybug: you are also just a bug in this apartment. and one day you will be squished. so you might as well just live
maisonkelly: ok wait i loved that
god27: see, it’s better to ask the bugs questions than me. the bugs are real.
maisonkelly: can I ask the boy a question?
god27: idk is he real?
maisonkelly: i literally have no idea. I feel like he is half real? but I also have such bad object permanence issues. like when he doesn’t text me I’m like ok he doesn’t exist and neither do i ? but when he does text me I’m like okay im perfect and i’m healthy and actually normal
god27: yeah it sounds like he’s half real. bugs are all real.
maisonkelly: ya with a boy I only get half the answers I want, and a bunch of half love. with bugs I get the whole story. i get the whole show
god27: you’re getting it! think about how far away boys always live. now imagine how close a bug can be to you. i give that to you every day.
maisonkelly: yeah I can’t deny you show me so many up close bugs
god27: i work in mysterious ways.
stinkbugORladybug: eeeeeeee im on the ceiling
10 stinkbugsORladybugs have entered the chat.
maisonkelly: wow and they’re all on my ceiling. that’s really interesting
should i ask them a question?
is “help” a question?
i can no longer see the bottom of my desire. i am drowning in it.
help.
11stinkbugsORladybugs: our answer is
zoom out
zoom out
zoom out
zoom out
zoom out, zoom out, zoom out, zoom out, zoom out, zoom out
zoom out
maisonkelly: i know :( but it feels soooo impossible. i’m so zoomed in i can only see like one pixel and that pixel is darkness
god27: no they’re so right
you place way too much importance on the last text you receive or like the last line you said to someone. like even if the whole interaction was great and affirmative, if he blinked at you wrong when you said goodbye you think that’s more important
you zoom in to that only
maisonkelly: yeah is that wrong? like that’s his most recent opinion of me right
god27: maybe his opinion of you isn’t changing that fast
maisonkelly: ok but men are sooo hot and cold
god27: LOL
no seriously i am laughing so much
are you serious
maisonkelly: what
god27: you’re the most hot and cold person alive
maisonkelly: yeah :( idk I just start to lose grip on reality after the interaction is over. like i can feel so good, but then he leaves, and a day later when nothing else has even happened im like no actually i have a doom feeling we are doomed
god27: so you do understand the value of omnipresence. that’s why i’ve given you omnipresent bugs. you can never doubt your relationship with them. you never have the chance. here, say your current greatest fear
maisonkelly: I will never get to hold him :(
BIGGESTROACHYOUVEEVERSEEN has entered the chat.
BIGGESTROACHYOUVEEVERSEEN: AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
god27: ok *now* say your current greatest fear
maisonkelly: big roach
god27: see, it works.
BIGGESTROACHYOUVEEVERSEEN has left the chat.
god27: keep talking
maisonkelly: i’m afraid it’s one-sided. i’m afraid he doesn’t actually want to be near me
_tiny_roach_half_dead_ has entered the chat.
god27: look. this roach dragged itself half-alive through a river of poison just to see you in its final moments. it wants to be near you that much
maisonkelly: wait. that’s so sweet
god27: see. what else are you afraid of? tell us
_tiny_roach_half_dead_: tell us
11 stinkbugsORladybugs: tell us x11
maisonkelly: GOD I JUST. i don’t know where to begin. oh my god I’m so scared all the time. i’m so scared that I thought I had this desire under control but now my blood is swishing all around and i find myself disoriented and aflame in grocery store aisles and meetings and train cars and i can’t recognize or control my thoughts anymore
like b4 i was so happy to just be a lone girl wandering the halls of the rite-aid
but now i think when this is all over and i never see him again the halls of the rite-aid will feel so empty
A MOUSE has entered the chat.
maisonkelly: EW no!!!
NO WAIT THAT WAS JUST YOUR AC SQUEAKING! has entered the chat.
~justatinylittleroach~ has entered the chat.
maisonkelly: phew. what a sweet surprise.
god27: bugs will always surprise you. and challenge you. they want to be near you. they want to be on you. they grant you perspective. they make you brave. they change you for the better. what is that, if not love?
maisonkelly: what is that, if not love?
SOOOOOMANYWINGSSSS has entered the chat.
maisonkelly: thank you for coming to see me today, bug. what do you have to say?
SOOOOOMANYWINGSSSS: I remember the first time we all saw you. You held your peace so closely, like a delicate thing. You thought we’d ruin your life. You’re different now. You’re not afraid of ruin.
SOOOOOMANYWINGSSSS has left the chat.
maisonkelly: i’m different now. i’m NOT afraid of ruin. i love the bugs. all i ever wanted was endlessness and the bugs are endless for real
but if the bugs are just as good as love, then why do I still fall asleep to the fantasy of being in his arms and never to the fantasy of looking at a bug
god27: bugs are reality. boys are fantasy. that’s the difference. pick your poison
maisonkelly: i pick raid haha
god27: haha lmao
maisonkelly: no but for real, i pick reality. i really really do. i’m so sick of the fantasy. be it bug or boy, i want something i can touch.
god27: yes!!! boys give you absence
maisonkelly: bugs give you presence.
god27: boys give you silence
maisonkelly: bugs give you noises.
god27: you finally get it.
pestcontrolofficial has entered the chat.
pestcontrolofficial: omg WOAH so sorry
maisonkelly: U R THREE YEARS LATE
pestcontrolofficial: i’m SO sorry it was my birthday and i got really busy.
wait woah i just got a crazy head rush. wait and my blood feels crazy
maisonkelly: omg ew are you falling in love with me ?
pestcontrolofficial: no…. how much raid have you been spraying in here??????
maisonkelly: soooooooooo much. wait
god27: yeah you’re not in love it’s probably the raid
maisonkelly: goddamnit. i always knew i would mix up love and poison
All bugs have left the chat.
pestcontrolofficial: ok! it is finished. you’ll never see them again. goodbye!
maisonkelly: wait.
pestcontrolofficial has left the chat.
maisonkelly: wait where is god ?
@god27 hello ?????
omg. he was a bug all along.
wow. well this is all great news!! no bugs, new me!!
to new beginnings! new lessons! new everything!
uh
…
@BIGGESTROACHYOUVEEVERSEEN hey lol
@BIGGESTROACHYOUVEEVERSEEN u around?
@BIGGESTROACHYOUVEEVERSEEN come over
@BIGGESTROACHYOUVEEVERSEEN i miss feeling you next to me